JOURNAL ENTRY-SUNDAY, APRIL 15, 2012 (Late night/early Monday morning)
MUST. CLEAN. EVERYTHING. I don't have time to write, there are things to do, things to clean, things to organize. I have dusted every nook and cranny in this room and the adjoining room and cleaned all the mirrors and glass in the house and swept floors and cleaned counters and put dishes away and scrubbed the shower and cleaned the sinks and sanitized the toilet and scrubbed the baseboards and cleaned the ceiling fan and organized a stack of bills and papers on the dresser. All of those things sound really lame, but if you knew how quickly I was getting each task done, you'd be impressed. I've not stopped, except for now, this moment, wherein I'm telling my story. I cleaned everything in the bathroom. I got a laundry basket and loaded it up with various types of cleansers and dust rags and sponges and a broom and dustpan and a Swiffer duster...you get the idea. I lugged this basket of cleaning supplies around from room to room. I cleaned the kitchen while I was waiting on the coffee to brew. The other K, the one who was here earlier, she drinks tea. Switch Kellie she's called. She wrote a journal entry too. We are having trouble deciding if we should share all this with the public. Do they really need to know that one of the K's is known as The Cleaner and is OCD about cleanliness and organization?
Well, there you have it. I'm always cleaning when I am in charge. I have an actual fear of dirt. I wear rubber gloves up to my elbows (they're actually lime green with a Pucci-style print on the cuffs; they're called "Glam Gloves") I'm terrified of the cobwebs which I sometimes find in the corner of a spare room. If I get in the shower, the tiles over my head seem to try and swallow me up and drip germs on me and I look around and I'm just surrounded by dirt, dirty tiles, mildew, black gook, rust stains, red streaks where hair dye got on the shower wall, stained grout that is no longer white...oooooh Shivers just ran up my spine! I can't think about the dirt anymore. It's freaking me out. Besides, I cleaned all that stuff, so there's no dirt now, and obviously I was exaggerating about how dirty the shower was to begin with. Everything has been cleaned and sanitized. In pretty much every room, except for Husband's rooms of course. I'm afraid to dust in there; what if I accidentally broke something? So I've cleaned the kitchen, the bedroom, 2 bathrooms, the den, the dining room, the living room, the laundry room...I organized drawers and shelves...I thought about alphabetizing all the CD's, but that seemed like a task larger than I felt I had time to accomplish. Some day, I will do that task. I promise you. So I, The Cleaner, for a while have been sharing co-consciousness with a different K. The Good Daughter appeared occasionally when we went into our mother's room, but for most of the weekend, Switch Kellie was here. She made the big list of things to do, and cleaning was on the list. And so I came and took over and saw to it that everything got cleaned properly. I can't vacuum because Mom is asleep, but I'll do it later. Also, still need to mop the kitchen. And I wonder if the windows need washing...What else can I clean? I don't see any point in going to bed now. Might as well keep cleaning. Let's get serious-I'm thinking about polishing silver... And have I ever mentioned that I wash the bar of soap in the soap dish? It's true. Is that weird? I mean, it's soap. It should be self-cleaning.
Written FOR ME, BY various ME's, as we come out of denial and accept our mental illness diagnosis of an as-yet-unspecified dissociative disorder (most likely Dissociative Identity Disorder). We are learning who we are...wanna watch?
Showing posts with label co-consciousness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label co-consciousness. Show all posts
Monday, April 16, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Not Too Early To Tweet
It's 7:04 A.M. and I'm up with no one to talk to or nothing to do and I can't make any noise or else we'll wake somebody up so I can't vacuum or anything like that and I can't leave the house so taking a walk is out of the question and I just don't know what to do with myself. So many voices in my head, all talking at once, each one trying to be heard over the others. I'm being told to eat, to go back to bed, to blog, to make a list of today's errands, to wash our hair, to give ourselves a pedicure, to draw pictures in our sketch diary, and someone wants a cigarette. Several of us want to write, just in different places-one wants to write in our journal, one wants to sketch in our diary, and a couple want to blog. I guess blogging wins, as it has the most votes. Our psychiatrist is going to be disappointed in us (she wants handwritten journal entries). Oh well. We don't care right now. Another K can handle that task. The Good Daughter will be here once Mom wakes up, and she's trying to spend less time on the computer and pay more attention to her family, so I guess I better blog in a hurry.
It's been a strange couple of days (or has it been weeks? We're just not sure) and I find that we are missing Twitter. We think it's time to go back to Tweeting, which is our outlet, where we share honest thoughts and actions and where we are free to be whomever we happen to be. Some of us have friends on Twitter, and we miss talking to them. I wonder how everyone is doing. I think maybe I'll have a cup of coffee and either blog or Tweet....stay tuned...
We just haven't been ourself (LOL!) lately. That means we haven't felt like K, whatever that means. Wait-I seem to remember K being out yesterday for a few hours. I didn't have therapy last week, which bums us out, but the lady never called to tell me when to come in. I suppose I should've called them, but that's really hard for us, calling people I mean. I guess one of us will have to call them tomorrow. The Good Daughter I assume. She's here most of the time lately, co-conscious with other K's. Co-consciousness means that you are more aware of what others in your system are doing; you know what they're feeling and thinking. Like right now. The Good Daughter just spoke to Mom. I heard her. I guess that means our time is up...
Charging my phone now. Prepare for Tweeting today- Yay! We've missed Twitter, and it's been difficult to keep our thoughts in our head and share them only with our psychiatrist, because we're still afraid to be totally open and honest with her.
It's been a strange couple of days (or has it been weeks? We're just not sure) and I find that we are missing Twitter. We think it's time to go back to Tweeting, which is our outlet, where we share honest thoughts and actions and where we are free to be whomever we happen to be. Some of us have friends on Twitter, and we miss talking to them. I wonder how everyone is doing. I think maybe I'll have a cup of coffee and either blog or Tweet....stay tuned...
We just haven't been ourself (LOL!) lately. That means we haven't felt like K, whatever that means. Wait-I seem to remember K being out yesterday for a few hours. I didn't have therapy last week, which bums us out, but the lady never called to tell me when to come in. I suppose I should've called them, but that's really hard for us, calling people I mean. I guess one of us will have to call them tomorrow. The Good Daughter I assume. She's here most of the time lately, co-conscious with other K's. Co-consciousness means that you are more aware of what others in your system are doing; you know what they're feeling and thinking. Like right now. The Good Daughter just spoke to Mom. I heard her. I guess that means our time is up...
Charging my phone now. Prepare for Tweeting today- Yay! We've missed Twitter, and it's been difficult to keep our thoughts in our head and share them only with our psychiatrist, because we're still afraid to be totally open and honest with her.
Labels:
blog,
co-consciousness,
Twitter,
writing
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